deviant ART

[x]
Subscribe Now | Buy deviantWEAR | Advertise Here

Bad Dreams by ~PerfectLie86:iconPerfectLie86:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Teen or Young Romance > Open




When everyone is sleeping
I lay awake lying in my bed
I keep thinking of you
I keep seeing you
The image burned into my head

I remember how it always went
You would call me on the phone
Tell me it’s all over
You would immediately start crying
Screaming of how you’re afraid to be alone

By now I am crying
Begging you to come back
I don’t want to lose you
I flip through the pictures of you and I
separating the stack

Emotions draining out
Yelling and screaming at you
Yelling and screaming at myself
Biting my lips
I love you I say, even though u already knew

Finally admitting to love
Our relationship is such as a fairy tale it seems...
Because we'll always stay together
We just simlply need eachother
and in the morning, its nothing but a bad dream...
©2004-2008 ~PerfectLie86
Details
Submitted: Jun 24, 2004
File Size: 1,019 bytes
Image Size: 19.2 KB
Resolution: 474×382
Comments: 13
Favourites & Collections: 2 [who?]

Views
Total: 78
Today: 0

Downloads
Total: 16
Today: 0

Thumb

Author's Comments

about me and one of my ex-gf's relationship towards the end.

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0

~imperfecttears6:iconimperfecttears6: Jun 25, 2004, 1:17:40 PM
"I way awake lying in my bed"

you may want to fix this typo

otherwise I like it.

--
"Live without your sunlight.
Love without your heartbeat."

"There's such a fooled heart
Beatin' so fast
In search of new dreams.
A love that will last
Within your heart.
I'll place the moon
Within your heart."
~PerfectLie86:iconPerfectLie86: Jun 25, 2004, 5:47:22 PM
haha ya probably good idea to fix the typos. hehe ill do it when i get back from the hoop :)

--
~*To the world your nothing but one person, but to one person you could be nothing but the world*~
~imperfecttears6:iconimperfecttears6: Jun 25, 2004, 6:38:38 PM
gah! theres a hoop???? GRR! Ok you need to call me when these things happen. 675-9900

--
"Live without your sunlight.
Love without your heartbeat."

"There's such a fooled heart
Beatin' so fast
In search of new dreams.
A love that will last
Within your heart.
I'll place the moon
Within your heart."
~PerfectLie86:iconPerfectLie86: Jun 25, 2004, 11:08:34 PM
AHH dont post your number on the web

--
~*To the world your nothing but one person, but to one person you could be nothing but the world*~
~Sprale:iconSprale: Jun 28, 2004, 10:43:24 AM
Wow, the rhyme scheme on this is very nice. This is one of your best in my opinion, especially because of all of the emotion put into it

--
Never ponder the mountain's summit before reaching its foot.
~PerfectLie86:iconPerfectLie86: Jun 28, 2004, 1:12:02 PM
aww thank you andrew =D

--
~*To the world your nothing but one person, but to one person you could be nothing but the world*~
~TormentedSorrows:iconTormentedSorrows: Jul 1, 2004, 12:08:01 AM
awesome rhyme scheme! last stanza though, dream and me is kind of half-assed if you know what I mean. redeem seem gleam beam -- something like that.

Finally admitting love
and how you need me it seems
I can’t get enough of you
We’ll stay together
And in the morning, its nothing but a bad dream

Also, it's a lot of raw emotion, try taking some out and adding in some literary devices like imagery or alliteration.

but besides that, very good concept. I like the poem. I also like the emotion it's just a bit too much. =D great job

--
New account = *6-Simplicity-9

Stock account = ~ Simplicity-Stock
~PerfectLie86:iconPerfectLie86: Jul 1, 2004, 9:02:15 PM
aww thank you!! =D i love how u critique my poems!! it makes me really happy :lick: hehe. mm yea it is kinda half assed the end... but by the end i was crying alot, so ya. bad excuse i know ;)

--
~*To the world your nothing but one person, but to one person you could be nothing but the world*~
~TormentedSorrows:iconTormentedSorrows: Jul 1, 2004, 9:05:36 PM
hm, try writing it when you're a bit more calm. and you're welcome =D

--
New account = *6-Simplicity-9

Stock account = ~ Simplicity-Stock
Previous Page    12    Next Page